My whole family made it to church this morning. It may not seem like a huge accomplishment but I assure you it is. It only happens that way once in a blue moon. These precious blue moons may become fewer and farther between than they already are with Chris working. Being the new guy he gets to work on Sunday mornings because no one else wants to work on Sunday mornings. That may change but for now that’s the way it is.
The service was good. For the longest while I haven’t been able to touch base with God during worship. It takes me so long to clear my head, to be still and just to focus on Him. I find myself getting frustrated and unable to keep my scattered thoughts from roaming onto other places and other subjects. So I struggle through that part of the service because there’s so much else going on that I get distracted by. I want to worship but my heart just isn’t in it lately. Whether that’s good or bad or inconsequential I haven’t yet determined.
Pastor began to address the topic of maturity. It's going to be something that we'll be looking at closer over the next little while. Maturity, in particular 'spiritual' maturity, is an interesting study. It gave me something to think about, something to apply, consider and weigh. Right now I am in an interesting place on a lot of different levels. I'm dealing with making big decisions, decisions that I can almost literally 'afford' to make. I'm struggling relationally with friends. I'm in a comfortable place when it comes to work, but I'm feeling really restless. I'm seeing resolution come out of the fall out from bad decisions I made in the past. Internally I'm being convicted and held accountable for my attitude and my perspective on the world around me. This inward conviction and unstoppable flow of thought would be hard enough to digest if it were merely a contained thought, but it colours every other thing that I'm dealing with and that makes it huge.
When it comes right down to it I am extremely performance driven, and that makes me selfish, and that makes me a slave. The worth of a slave is judged by the quality of its work. Whether the slave completed the tasks he was given, how long he took to do it and whether he did a quality job are all considered. Someone who has the mindset of a slave is out to get results. They're 'performing' task after task with the goal of being acknowledged, praised, denoted as worthy based on how well they do.
That is how I thought about God and who I was in God all through high school. God was master and I was his slave. It wasn't a very warm relationship. I was continually tugging up my socks and marching into his presence with my list of accomplishments, my requests and my plans for productivity. There was a lot of 'me' involved because, technically, it was my neck on the line. I had a quota to meet and my time was running out. I am not a very spiritually mature person. I don’t know who I am in Christ well enough to allow myself to ‘just be’. I know that God’s love is free and that he is continually offering it to me but I don’t know how to receive it. I don’t know how to truly accept it. I can speak it. I can say that I accept it but the way I react, the crazy, erratic things I do to ’earn’ that love speaks volumes about how I’m not able to truly receive it.
And soon it will be morning… Way too late for me to be up.
Work was good by the way. :)
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Saturday, September 6, 2008
September 6th, 2008
Today was a very long day.
I worked 1:30-10. It was a relatively slow day. There were a few spurts where we got a lot of customers all at once, but they were mostly few and far between. I got feeling antsy about 3-ish and then my legs were killing me for the rest of the night. I just needed to move, to sit, to do stretchs or something. But I was senior in the evening so that made things better because I didn't have to be on till.
This morning, before work, I helped to pack, split and pile wood into the trailer. It was a really nice morning to be outside, in fact the whole day was amazing weather wise. It cool, but sunny without rain. It was so nice. Just the way a fall day should be. I wish I could have enjoyed more of it. Fall is my favourite season. I love the crisp, invigorating feel of it. It's warm, but cold without all the snow and wet. It's simply refreshing. I don't care for summer and winter can become endlessly grey. But fall, and I suppose parts of spring, are a real treat for the senses.
So today was really good and I look forward to tomorrow because it's Sunday and everyone will be home to go to church. That said, it is definately time for me to go to bed if I plan on getting up early.
I worked 1:30-10. It was a relatively slow day. There were a few spurts where we got a lot of customers all at once, but they were mostly few and far between. I got feeling antsy about 3-ish and then my legs were killing me for the rest of the night. I just needed to move, to sit, to do stretchs or something. But I was senior in the evening so that made things better because I didn't have to be on till.
This morning, before work, I helped to pack, split and pile wood into the trailer. It was a really nice morning to be outside, in fact the whole day was amazing weather wise. It cool, but sunny without rain. It was so nice. Just the way a fall day should be. I wish I could have enjoyed more of it. Fall is my favourite season. I love the crisp, invigorating feel of it. It's warm, but cold without all the snow and wet. It's simply refreshing. I don't care for summer and winter can become endlessly grey. But fall, and I suppose parts of spring, are a real treat for the senses.
So today was really good and I look forward to tomorrow because it's Sunday and everyone will be home to go to church. That said, it is definately time for me to go to bed if I plan on getting up early.
September 5th, 2008
This is another 'yesterday' post.
I worked yesterday 11am-5pm. I don't usually get to work the early shifts, I'm usually the closing girl, so it was a really nice change.
I got to eat supper with my parents. Roasted chicken, cranberries and the always fabulous hot wedges from Save-On. It was excellent because it was hot, fresh and not from the microwave. It's what I miss the most with everyone working and having places to be, we don't get to sit down together to eat. Plus I just love my mom's cooking. When mom cooks you get no fuss, good stuff served with style and finesse. She makes juggling several different things at once look easy. Plus there's just a 'feel' to her cooking. She's been doing it for years, day in day out, and it's a very thankless job. But she does it, we've never gone hungry. There's something really, really special about that. Mom's serving us. She's taking care of and blessing us. She's not doing it for the praise that she'll recieve, she's doing because we need to eat and she wants to bless us. I'm certain it was tiring sometimes, I know there were days when she didn't want to cook, but she did it anyways. That's really kind of awesome. I admire her for that and I love to eat the things that mom cooks.
I spent most of the rest of the evening home and by myself. I talked to Bethany for about an hour and a half.
I watched the last half of a movie called, 'She's The Man'. It was a good way to waste an hour or so but I don't know if the movie itself was really worth the watching. Cute sums it up pretty well.
I also watched a show on Natural Geographic channel about underwater colonies and the possibility of humans creating underwater cities. Kind of an interesting concept. Apparently if we set it up in the right place we could even group crops in green houses underwater. So if things with global warming starts to kick in and huge areas of the globe get covered in water we'll just use it to our advantage and live underwater. Gosh aren't we resourceful.
And that's pretty much all that happened yesterday. Pretty exciting stuff.
I worked yesterday 11am-5pm. I don't usually get to work the early shifts, I'm usually the closing girl, so it was a really nice change.
I got to eat supper with my parents. Roasted chicken, cranberries and the always fabulous hot wedges from Save-On. It was excellent because it was hot, fresh and not from the microwave. It's what I miss the most with everyone working and having places to be, we don't get to sit down together to eat. Plus I just love my mom's cooking. When mom cooks you get no fuss, good stuff served with style and finesse. She makes juggling several different things at once look easy. Plus there's just a 'feel' to her cooking. She's been doing it for years, day in day out, and it's a very thankless job. But she does it, we've never gone hungry. There's something really, really special about that. Mom's serving us. She's taking care of and blessing us. She's not doing it for the praise that she'll recieve, she's doing because we need to eat and she wants to bless us. I'm certain it was tiring sometimes, I know there were days when she didn't want to cook, but she did it anyways. That's really kind of awesome. I admire her for that and I love to eat the things that mom cooks.
I spent most of the rest of the evening home and by myself. I talked to Bethany for about an hour and a half.
I watched the last half of a movie called, 'She's The Man'. It was a good way to waste an hour or so but I don't know if the movie itself was really worth the watching. Cute sums it up pretty well.
I also watched a show on Natural Geographic channel about underwater colonies and the possibility of humans creating underwater cities. Kind of an interesting concept. Apparently if we set it up in the right place we could even group crops in green houses underwater. So if things with global warming starts to kick in and huge areas of the globe get covered in water we'll just use it to our advantage and live underwater. Gosh aren't we resourceful.
And that's pretty much all that happened yesterday. Pretty exciting stuff.
Friday, September 5, 2008
September 4th, 2008
I was really tired yesterday so I didn't type out an update last night.
I talked to Elizabeth on the phone for an hour or so while she packed to leave for school. She was testing her new cell phone. This year, because of trouble she's been having with typing, she's going to use a cell phone to stay in touch instead of email. It was good to just talk.
I also talked to Iris on MSN for a little while. She was looking for a few good movie suggestions. I attempted to give her a few but in all honesty I haven't seen a really good movie in a long time. I've seen some pretty awful ones. A few that I'm ashamed to say that I actually watched through when I should have left after the credits. Yeah... They were that terrible. So seeing as my own talents in selecting a movie are implorable I sent her a link for movies.com. (Hope it helped Iris, :D)
Uncle Steve and Aunty Debbie came to visit for an hour or so yesterday from Lethbridge. It was good to see them. They were going up north somewhere, I don't remember where. They brought us a whole bag of corn and we sent them home with a whole variety of stuff. Soup, potatoes, carrots, apples and cucumber from our garden.
I had the day off which was really good because I haven't been sleeping very soundly and I've been extremely tired lately. I told Iris that and she told me that I'm always tired. She might be right. I don't sleep very well, very often. Then she told me I should see a doctor about it. Perhaps she has a point? She might.
I'm feeling extremely restless. I know that I'm supposed to be right where I'm at, at least for now. But I'm getting really restless. I've been toying with the idea of quitting my job and doing something new. Which is what I talked to Elizabeth about. She suggested several things I 'could' do including run the Youth Centre. I don't know if I'd be the best person to run the Youth centre but the more I think about it the more appealing it becomes. So we'll see. I have a good job and only time will tell whether or not I remain restless enough to find something else to do.
That was yesterday...
I talked to Elizabeth on the phone for an hour or so while she packed to leave for school. She was testing her new cell phone. This year, because of trouble she's been having with typing, she's going to use a cell phone to stay in touch instead of email. It was good to just talk.
I also talked to Iris on MSN for a little while. She was looking for a few good movie suggestions. I attempted to give her a few but in all honesty I haven't seen a really good movie in a long time. I've seen some pretty awful ones. A few that I'm ashamed to say that I actually watched through when I should have left after the credits. Yeah... They were that terrible. So seeing as my own talents in selecting a movie are implorable I sent her a link for movies.com. (Hope it helped Iris, :D)
Uncle Steve and Aunty Debbie came to visit for an hour or so yesterday from Lethbridge. It was good to see them. They were going up north somewhere, I don't remember where. They brought us a whole bag of corn and we sent them home with a whole variety of stuff. Soup, potatoes, carrots, apples and cucumber from our garden.
I had the day off which was really good because I haven't been sleeping very soundly and I've been extremely tired lately. I told Iris that and she told me that I'm always tired. She might be right. I don't sleep very well, very often. Then she told me I should see a doctor about it. Perhaps she has a point? She might.
I'm feeling extremely restless. I know that I'm supposed to be right where I'm at, at least for now. But I'm getting really restless. I've been toying with the idea of quitting my job and doing something new. Which is what I talked to Elizabeth about. She suggested several things I 'could' do including run the Youth Centre. I don't know if I'd be the best person to run the Youth centre but the more I think about it the more appealing it becomes. So we'll see. I have a good job and only time will tell whether or not I remain restless enough to find something else to do.
That was yesterday...
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
September 3rd, 2008
I didn't work today so I started a new blog with the intention of writing short updates about my life.
I made beef terriyaki, a delightful dish to be served hot over rice and scoffed down without ceremony. My family and friends did exactly that. It was really good because all of the vegetables came from our garden, with the exception of the red peppers.
Elizabeth and Bethany came over and went for a short ride on the horses. Elizabeth loved it. Bethany was all talk until we actually got her up on the horse, then she was a bundle of nerves, but I think that she enjoyed it anyways.
We played Scrabble, Killer Bunnies, and Go (the board game I created for Bethany). Bethany won every game we played except Scrabble. I dominated the entire game of scrabble and won with 201 points. Elizabeth didn't win any, but she did entertain us with her charm. While playing board games we watched 'Gone Fishing' and ate marshmellows to our hearts content.
Elizabeth brought a camera and a roll of film so we spent a good amount of time making faces and experimenting with viewpoints. Hopefully they turn out, but even if they don't they're sure to be a source of amusement to Elizabeth, who is leaving Friday to go back to school.
I finished reading 'The Portrait of Dorian Gray'. It was an unusual book full of a lot of ideas and things to think about. I don't know if I agree with any of them, but it was interesting none the less.
And that's all of the stuff that stuck out in my head today.
Nicole.
I made beef terriyaki, a delightful dish to be served hot over rice and scoffed down without ceremony. My family and friends did exactly that. It was really good because all of the vegetables came from our garden, with the exception of the red peppers.
Elizabeth and Bethany came over and went for a short ride on the horses. Elizabeth loved it. Bethany was all talk until we actually got her up on the horse, then she was a bundle of nerves, but I think that she enjoyed it anyways.
We played Scrabble, Killer Bunnies, and Go (the board game I created for Bethany). Bethany won every game we played except Scrabble. I dominated the entire game of scrabble and won with 201 points. Elizabeth didn't win any, but she did entertain us with her charm. While playing board games we watched 'Gone Fishing' and ate marshmellows to our hearts content.
Elizabeth brought a camera and a roll of film so we spent a good amount of time making faces and experimenting with viewpoints. Hopefully they turn out, but even if they don't they're sure to be a source of amusement to Elizabeth, who is leaving Friday to go back to school.
I finished reading 'The Portrait of Dorian Gray'. It was an unusual book full of a lot of ideas and things to think about. I don't know if I agree with any of them, but it was interesting none the less.
And that's all of the stuff that stuck out in my head today.
Nicole.
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